My world seems to be getting better. Every single fucking day I feel it. Happy to be here, lucky even. You can't even imagine the Shit that has passed through my head since November. And there is no way I want to relive anything like that.
I am a completely diffrent person now. And I LOVE who I am now. And if you don't then I seriously don't give a Shit. I love me, and I haven't in over 5 years.
I am doing things I never would have, spending time with people o normally wouldn't have, letting go of certain fears and actually living my life. And I feels so good. I feel so good.
Let me just share this I am happier now alone and without Brian. It's as simple as that. IAMFUCKINGHAPPY. I have my moments where I miss certain family things, or miss certain private moments. But all in all o don't miss him anymore. I miss another person being here but that feels better when anyone comes over. Shit, I have a dog come visit and that void is filled.
Ok so I'm talking everywhere cause I feel like I can't calm down at night :)
Point of this, I'm happy, im proud of myself, I'm amazed at how my life has taken an unexpected turn in a positive direction, I am extreemly thankful and feel so lucky to have the friends I have in my life, and I have my 3 amazingly wonderful babies to wake up to everyday. They are what keep me going and make me want to be a better person. I want them to be proud that I'm their mom.
I just have one downfall that I need to work I'm and get rid of. I am an attention freak. I crave it, eapecally from men. My counsler said that since I had been talked down upon for sp long that I got all the negative ideas about myself stuck in my head. And now that I started getting attention from various people and they are making me feel positively about myself that I want more of that because it makes the negative things said by that one person false because so many others are saying otherwise. But I don't want to have to thrive on attention from others. So just something I have to work on. :)
Lately my head has been very scattered with thought, probably shows in how I'm writting.
so sorry if it made it difficult to read.
