Its no surprise to anyone that the last few months have been hard for me. Actually, the most difficult things I have ever had to deal with. I am learning to pick myself up again. And every day I feel more like myself. I didn't realize that over the past few years i had lost so much of myself, and now that I am getting her back i feel SOOO much better. I feel like myself, I am happier, more confident, and outgoing. Even tho this situation is not ideal... i actually hate it. i hate my situation, but i am learning to embrace it and learn from it. I've realized how many mistakes I have made over the years, how i wasn't always the nicest person to deal with and I was just super judgmental . I had all these "issues" that shouldn't have been a problem. I made things bigger than what they needed to be. I didn't trust people, and felt like I couldn't rely on them. Especially Brian. Why...? I have no idea.But i, thankfully, and not that person anymore. I found this new me who i love. and everyone should get to know this new me because it makes me happy.
on another note:
Its easy for most people to judge and put in their opinions and ideas for what i should do, how i should handle everything, or say negative things about Brian or myself. But there is just one problem with that. No one truly knows Brian and mines situation but us. And that's the way it should be. No one needs to know every in an out of our relationship together. So i would just advise that I will no longer tolerate anyone speaking badly about my decisions, Brian's decisions, how i am handling things or anything about this. Unless i ask you for advice, and i wont. then just stop. I would rather not talk to anyone who is going to be only negative. I don't need a bunch of that in my life right now. its not going to help anyone. And all anyone is doing is hurting me and possibly hurting Brian. Right now, he is still my husband and i will trust him, believe him, and try my best to be a good wife to him. even now that we're separated i will still do that. Why? because no matter what, I still love him, and want him to be happy. people say i need to say when enough is enough...well I'm saying it, enough is enough. but not for my marriage but with everyone else and their negativity. Every negative comment, remark, or judgment that someone else says about this only pushes Brian and I further away from each other and further away from you. I'm not saying we will ever get back together or anything, but I am my own person, and i will decide what i do, how i do it, how i deal with things, and what is right for me.
end of story.
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