husbands, milfs, and soda

Life has been good. I finnaly have things working out the way I want them too and I feel like I am making some great accomplishments. :))) So today someone made me realise how much I shoudl thank my husband.......so here is my thank you to him Husband of mine , Thank you so much for walking out on me. If you had neverdone that I would have never realised how happy I am without you. I would have never realised how I can accomplish anything I set my mind too. I would have never gotten out of my shell and become friends with many, and started doing things I never thought I would. I probably would not have lost over 50lbs either. Thank you for calling my every name in the book and saying how I would never amount to anything and how no one would or could ever want me. Well Challage accepted! And I believe I have come out on top. I thank you for leaving cause now I don't have to worry about how I never was good enough for you or if you were cheating on me or not. Cause now that you are at least its not on me! You leaving was the best thing that has ever happened and I see that now. Someone else can deal with your crap because I no longer have to anymore. I don't have to listen to you complain, or yell at me. And I don't have to walk on egg shells anymore. I don't really wish you the best but Good luck with your life.....your going to need it with all the stupid decisions you make. Sincerely, Julie (regretably and unfortunatly your wife...still lol) That made me feel so much better All you single MILFs out there...keep chugging along. Doing right by your kids and yourself. Life is hard but not impossible <3 And your kids are always worth it Also I like Pepsi more than coke

Where do I even begin?

Just these past 3 weeks have been so crazy high and low. one second its up and everything is great, and the next second its down, and i feel like im losing my damn mind. most of you probably have no idea what has been going on, and while i am tempted to just blog about everything i wont. It would be disrespectful to the parties involved. and i dont wanna be that kind of person. I have had to make some tuff choices in my life. And am proud to say that i feel like, in these recent situations, that I chose to make the right decisions. These decisions that i felt were the right thing to do did make some people have a disliking for me. but you know what, fuck them. seriously fuck you. i did what i know is right, and thats all that matters. I think its fucked up how people can sit back and see or be a part of these fucked up situations and just keep their mouth closed. Why? because you dont want to be involved? well guess what...knowing about it fucking makes you involved. so you can either chose to be a good person....or not. its as simple as that. black and white. there is no gray. you either do the right thing or you dont. fucking simple. I don't think people will ever understand what i gave up exactly to do this right thing.(partially because im keeping it hush hush lol) something i worked hard to gain back. like really hard to gain back. and it fucking sucks to lose it. but i would rather be known as the person who stood up for what she believes in and knows is right.... than someone girl who is fucked up. No one truly understands any type of situation unless they have been though it themselves. and even then its hard to understand because every situation is different based on the people involved. true fucking story right there. I have very very few people i ask for advice from.... i can count them on one hand... total of 3. and each of those people i respect and think very highly of and each of their opinions and advice sparks and sticks with me in some way. and when all things are meshed together from all 3 people plus myself...then it just clicks in my brain. Katie Robey, Rachel Campa, and Rikkilee Carter. These women are amazing people. and They really do not get enough credit for how much they put into a friendship. Katie Robey- this lady has so much class. She shows every single person respect, even if they dont deserve it. She is younger than me but the things that come out of her mouth sound like poetry. Not only is she beautiful on the outside, but her insides are like looking at the sun. Rachel Campa- This girl has been my friend for soooooooooooooo long. Even though we are both in very different places in our lives we still have this amazing friend ships. when i need her she is there and when she needs me i race to her. How she views the world and life amazes me and i wish some day i can learn to be a little more like her. I have no doubt in my mind that she will do great things in her lifetime. Rikkilee- I havent known her for that long actually. but she, again is an amazing person. She sticks up for her friends, even if its against another friend. she does what is right and is so down to earth. i needed someone like that in my life. someone to get my head out of the clouds. and this gril does it. caring, respectful and fun to be around. It seems like everything she does, she does whole heartily. and i wish i could see her more often actually. Life isnt what i expected it to be, is it horrible....? at times. Is it hard....you bet your ass its fucking hard as hell. Do i have some regrets...? yes, but nothing major. but i look at my life and see three beautiful faces smiling at me and love me always.....well until they turn into teenagers. "no body said it was easy, no body said it would be so hard" however, life is worth fighting for, its worth seeking out goals and accomplishing everything you want. get out there and get what you want. and do what you feel is right in the process and you cant go wrong <3 love everything you do.

on my mind...do you really wanna know?

yeah so that would be bodes.....goood looking ones.
apparently im super shallow, pin pointed by a friend of mine. and sometimes personality doesn't even matter as long as the person is attractive. wow im a bitch lol
and this is probably going to be so inappropriate but i really don't give a fuck. I don't know if all women are like this or if its just something wrong with my brain. but i seriously think about sex 75% of the time..... weird right..? i don't know. lovin, porn, those silly craigslist adds (those make me laugh so hard i could pee my pants) like yeah.
and i have been watching a lot of jennamarbles lately and that bitch it amazing. loved the video about how people should stop playing games and be straight forward. like say "hey i like you and would like to hang out with you sometime soon" and if they turn you down then fuck them. right? easier said than done i guess because i cant get shit to come out of my mouth. blahblahblahblah im a ditsy girl blahblahblah. really now? whats wrong with me. why cant i act normal. i dont act that way. jesus. uuhhhhhhgggggggg LIFE is complicated but AMAZING. and i think the complications are just something i am putting in there that done even really need to be in there lol. god im such a female. klsjdflkjahsdiufhehfeiuhja;oijskjhdlkfjh
(wonder what it would be like to have penis...? just a thought.)

so my life as been CRAZY lately. and in a very good way.
i love it

this shit.....amazing

annnnnnnnnd there is more that i really would like to say but i cant because i risk destroying something that probably doesn't even exist. BUTTTTT lets just say i over think everything in this particular area and it drives me nuts.

im being driven wild.

my life
in a nut shell
is
beautiful
amazing
happy
full
hot
confusing
messy
frustrating
satisfying
lovin



only one thing lacking and that's passion
oh god do i need some passion


ok my ramble is over
end

scattered highs :)

My world seems to be getting better. Every single fucking day I feel it. Happy to be here, lucky even. You can't even imagine the Shit that has passed through my head since November. And there is no way I want to relive anything like that.
I am a completely diffrent person now. And I LOVE who I am now. And if you don't then I seriously don't give a Shit. I love me, and I haven't in over 5 years.
I am doing things I never would have, spending time with people o normally wouldn't have, letting go of certain fears and actually living my life. And I feels so good. I feel so good.
Let me just share this I am happier now alone and without Brian. It's as simple as that. IAMFUCKINGHAPPY. I have my moments where I miss certain family things, or miss certain private moments. But all in all o don't miss him anymore. I miss another person being here but that feels better when anyone comes over. Shit, I have a dog come visit and that void is filled.


Ok so I'm talking everywhere cause I feel like I can't calm down at night :)
Point of this, I'm happy, im proud of myself, I'm amazed at how my life has taken an unexpected turn in a positive direction, I am extreemly thankful and feel so lucky to have the friends I have in my life, and I have my 3 amazingly wonderful babies to wake up to everyday. They are what keep me going and make me want to be a better person. I want them to be proud that I'm their mom.

I just have one downfall that I need to work I'm and get rid of. I am an attention freak. I crave it, eapecally from men. My counsler said that since I had been talked down upon for sp long that I got all the negative ideas about myself stuck in my head. And now that I started getting attention from various people and they are making me feel positively about myself that I want more of that because it makes the negative things said by that one person false because so many others are saying otherwise. But I don't want to have to thrive on attention from others. So just something I have to work on. :)

Lately my head has been very scattered with thought, probably shows in how I'm writting.
so sorry if it made it difficult to read.

Blessings

No one's life is perfect. And no one person is perfect. But what counts is if you have the ability to look through all the shit and see all the wonderful blessing you have. Right now is a hard time for my family. But I have been sitting here literally counting my Blessings
-3 wonderful beautiful amazing children that are super smart and outgoing.
-Brian, who is taking care of us and making sure we have everything we need. and who is alwasy going to be there for us.
-some of the most amazing friends a person could ever ask for
-family that is their for us day or night
-a nice place to call home
-a car that works and has never broken down
-some awesome neighbors
- and so much more....

sometimes i feel like i cant get out of the suck, but then i realize that's not exactly true. everyone has some bad moments, but those wont last forever. they are just moments in time that will pass soon. and if you invest all your time and energy into the blessing that you have, then you don't have time to be in the suck.

Finding True Definitions

Some things I have been thinking about


mis·take- an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.

jeal·ous- characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.
inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

think- to have a conscious mind, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rational decisions, etc.

ra·tion·al-having or exercising reason, sound judgment, or good sense:

heart·break- great sorrow, grief, or anguish.

trust-reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. confident expectation of something; hope.

re·spect-esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability

love- 1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.sexual passion or desire.
4.a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

di·vorce- to break the marriage contract between oneself and (one's spouse) by divorce: She divorced her husband.


there were more but i thought this was enough for one blog

You Can't Always Get What You Want

so that saying isn't something I am not familiar with. Especially at this point in my life, it is a very true saying. And I think I am ok with that. Coming to terms that I can not alwasy get what I want. If I did I would be one spoiled bitch. lol. But wants and needs are so different. and a lot of people don't realise what is a want vs. what is a need.
needless to say, i cant always get what i want. but what i need will alwasy be provided.

This goes for everyone. A lot of people dont get this concept at all. Always focused on "i want this","i want that" whine whine bitch bitch moan moan. like seriously?! what is wrong with people these days?! i guess i really have no room to talk actually. lol . I am constantly thinking about the things that are going on in my life. what they mean, what direction they are going on, what i should do, what others should do. and what i want out of it or from it. and its all because i want something that i cant get. but now that i am coming to terms with that. and realising that maybe that is something i dont actually want. Why would i want something that hurts me so badly? why would i want something that doesnt care about me? why would i want something that lies to me all the time? but then again thats a want....and there are so many positives that i dont say. im not sure why i dont say them.
but that is another subject entirely.

im learning to take control but to also take a step back. if that makes scene...well it does to me. I NEED to do what i NEED to do to make sure i have all the NEEDS of my family met. people can call me what they want, but i cant be a push over anymore. i need to stop and truly put the NEEDS before anything.